Classroom Testing
Interest levels, student testing and the HIP editing process
We make special efforts to control the readability of the books in New Series Canada, but that comes after we know the books work for our intended readers. At HIP, we use two or three different groups of students to test out the books. This gives us feedback while the novels are still in the rough-draft stage. After this, we make revisions in response to what the kids suggest. (At a later stage, we test individually with students at the sentence and word level, but the stories are largely finished by then.)
One of our favourite test schools is James Hamblin School in the small town of Qu'Appelle, Saskatchewan. These students have a very successful writing program (and often win provincial and national prizes) and give us very intelligent feedback - page by page, book after book. Here are some notes back to those kids from Paul Kropp on the suggestions they made for our 2005 series of HIP books.
Hacker
- Changed Mrs. Scrimshaw's name to Mrs. Layton; but Hawthorne should be an easy name for most kids. Also changed Nino's name to Hakaru (Hacker for short) since you guys didn't know how to pronounce Nino.
- Cole no longer falls over when he's bumped into by Hacker. (Had to get this art redrawn as well.)
- Fixed sentences page 5, page 7 (Cole now lies when Spike asks him about his mark), page 18 and some minor changes
- Page 29, I disagree – teachers sometimes do mean things
- Page 36 – you're right, Cole wouldn't blurt out so much; I fixed it.
- Page 55 – fixed up the confession scene. You're right – they wouldn't just blab it all out. Now Mrs. Layton forces the information.
One Crazy Night
- I'm glad you found it funny and exciting – it should be both.
- Sorry you don't like Julie the girlfriend, but she's got to stay. I did cut one of her phone calls and gave it to Todd's mother. It was funnier that way.
- Revised ending so that Todd finally breaks away from his mother's influence (it was her push to get him to go to college; Todd just wants to be a plumber.)
- Kept the “bathroom scene” in Chapter 7 since you thought it was OK. Now it ties into the plumber theme
- fixed the Disneyland – Disney World confusion. Thanks.
- As you suggested, I extended the holdup scene.
- Jimmy Buffett is now Jimmy Branson; no confusion with the singer.
- And we finally changed the title. You guys thought "One Stormy Night" didn't catch the flavour of the book. Our cover designer agreed. Now it's "One Crazy Night."
Avalanche
- Okay, no yellow snow. Mike gets up the morning of the avalanche because he hears Noah and Brooke outside and wants to embarrass them
- But Brooke still has to die. I know it's sad, but it's what the book is about. Sorry.
- I've made Noah less nerdy, so the romance with Brooke makes more sense.
- Glad you liked the avalanche from 4 points of view.
- As requested, I added a few more ominous notes at the beginning. Still, the long lead-up is necessary to introduce all the characters. The title should make it clear what's going to happen.
- Speaking of characters, I've put in a list on page 9 (Mrs. Falletta reads the roll) so all the character have names
- Thanks for the small notes on words, confusing bits, etc. (For instance, I explained that GPS is a location finder.) I'm still surprised you don't know “groggy.”
Running for Dave
- Glad that so many of you found this one a book to cry over. So did I. I was crying while I revised chapters 7 and 8. I guess you were while reading them.
- Decided that Dave and Rusty's school needs a name. It's Hamblin. Congratulations (The big competing school is now Campbell because I overused Tech in another book.) I added a whole new thread: Hamblin vs. Campbell , a competition that has gone on for years.
- Got rid of Lauren in Chapter 1, as you suggested. She really isn't important to the story. You were right. She appears, just a little, later on.
- Made the minor changes you asked for (mostly in starting chapters). All those suggestions were great.
- To tie in the “almost” car accident in Chapter 2, I put some members of the Tech/Campbell track team in the car that almost hits Rusty. Now it makes sense! Thanks for getting me to rethink this.
- Sorry, but the “Dave's Team” T-shirts have to stay. But I have rewritten so the shirts are paid for by the student council.
The Bully
- You're right: Kathy is an archaic name. Congratulation, Caitlin. You're now Allie's best friend.
- Fixed Danni's clothers. She can't have a mother with a "cruddy job" and a stepdad in jail and be wearing designer duds.
- Added nasty notes and writing on Allie's binder.
- Changed chapters titles: Betrayed is now Dumped; Telling is now Caitlin's Idea
- You're right, it was too easy for Allie to explain her problems to Mrs. Drayton. Now I've extended the hemming and hawing.
- Bullies don't cry? You had mixed feelings on this, but I'll go with Cassie's suggestion - bullies don't cry in an obvious way. Revised text to keep Danni tough in Chapter 9, hiding any tears. Also cut her obvious admissio of jealousy.
- Thanks for the many little suggestions (from "cheerfully" - now deleted, to other tiny points)
